Big Step in Motherhood

This year Zak was old enough to be part of the "Orange Crush Crew" at St. Ann. Orange Crush Crew is a group of kids from school that go to sporting events to cheer for St. Ann. Anyway, there were three games at St. Ann on Friday night, so needless to say Zak wanted to go. Larry and I talked about it and decided to let him go equipped with a cell phone, some cash and neither one of us present. I took him to the gym, walked out and cried! I could not believe it, it hurt so much to watch my little guy(almost 12) walk into the gym without me. I spent the rest of the evening praying to the Blessed Mother to watch over him and watching the clock till it was time to go pick him up. Of course Larry was calm and cool and acted as though it did not bother him, but I know deep down he too was feeling what I was feeling. Yep, the time has come for us to cut the apron stings and let Zak be a BIG BOY! I cannot explain how much I was not looking forward to this day coming, but it has and now we must accept it. I want to hold on to all three of my kiddos forever and never let them grow up. I love our Friday nights of dinner and then a family movie. Our Saturday nights of Mass and steaks for dinner, and our Sundays of good ol' family time.
Today, I find myself looking at Zak and wondering when did he get so big? I thought I was really good at cherishing the moments, but now it seems that the moments escaped me? How did I let that happen? Have I done the best I could to raise Zak to make the right choices when I am not around? Will it hurt this much to see Nik hit this point in childhood? I guess only time will tell, but for tonight, I am sitting between my "boys" watching "Elf" and cherishing the moment! Hoping that they will never be too big to snuggle with their ol' ma.